dissertation irony

One aspect of my dissertation focuses on whether cultural capital is a major reason teachers take field trips. Simply put, cultural capital is the accumulation of cultural experiences, which increase out-of-school learning. Some studies show that students with more cultural capital have higher academic achievement. So going to museums, zoos, libraries, theaters, etc are beneficial to learning; therefore, we should encourage more field trips to these places and take our children to these places as soon, and as much as possible.

So it's important to me to take Elle to the zoo, the library, the farm, to the student's orchestra performances, etc. Basically, anywhere that she'll see something out of the ordinary and that will encourage her at some point to do some out-of-school reading, research, and learning.

Well, there's only one problem...I'm a megalophobic! I'm afraid of big things. Here's one definition from a fellow megalophob's blog: Megalophobia is the irrational fear of large objects. In some cases megalophobia is manifested as a fear of objects that are larger than they should be (for example, clown shoes, novelty sunglasses, oversized pants) however, in most cases Megalophobia is simply a fear of objects significantly larger than one's self. There is no standard measure of when something has become large enough to unsettle a person suffering from megalophobia, it is entirely subjective and unique to the individual sufferer. It is often the case that a megalophobe's anxieties are heightened on the ability of the large object to move.

I'm terrified of dinosaurs, whales, sometimes planes or other aircraft, some mounted animals, trains, statues, etc. I don't know why it started, but for as long as I can remember I've been scared of big things. I freeze, start to hyperventilate, cry, shake, etc, basically turn into a big baby. I've had numerous nightmares about being near whales or something else large. I couldn't take Elle to parts of the Mayborn in Waco because of the mammoth skull or other statues. I cringe if I have to drive by the history museum by the capitol because of that plane hanging there in the window. Some parts of Woolaroc are terrifying...it goes on and on. If we go somewhere new I have to research it, send someone to look ahead, or peek around corners. The elephant building at the Tulsa zoo and parts of the Smithsonian on our trip to D.C. were off-limits. And now I can't take Elle to the Sam Noble Museum even though parts of it look really interesting. (I was starting to feel the panic just watching a short video about it yesterday!)

Chris thinks I should just confront my fear, but he hasn't been successful in getting me to do this. In fact, two parts of our honeymoon were not very pleasant for him when he decided to take me on the Universe of Energy ride and the Maelstrom ride at Epcot. But, yesterday he brought up my dissertation and how sad it was I couldn't take Elle to a museum so now I feel like it's time to do something serious about it.

If you have any suggestions, or want to use me as a psychotherapy project let me know. I know I don't want to just take Elle to the museum by myself and cause her to be alarmed if I panic, but I don't know how else to get rid of this phobia.